Pit of Depression

Only just recently having read an open and honest testimony of someone who last year went through a very difficult time of depression, reminded me of what a serious and common problem this is. I too have been through this dark side of life and would like to just share a few things that might be able to help someone else who is in this right now? Depression is a pit, a hole that we fall into due to certain circumstances that can overwhelm us or bring fear into our lives. We all experience depression, things happen in life that are just simply not fair, that are extremely difficult and sometimes hard to understand! We might go through a loss of a loved one or a job or something else and feel we just cannot go on. Unfair things also happen to us, we are unjustly criticized or slandered, being despised and rejected. Or it could be a fear and uncertainty of the future. Unforgiveness and bitterness is another huge cause of depression. Whatever the circumstance you are facing, just know that you are not the only one who is going through it, there are others going through the same thing, such things are common to all of us. But when you are going through it you feel you are the only one and no-one can understand what it feels like – this is an untruth and even if there was no human to understand there is One who knows all our weaknesses as He too suffered in every way we do and therefore understands and is able to comfort and strengthen us in these times if we will just turn to Him and not run from Him. 2 Chron. 15:2 “if you seek Him, He will be found by you...” and Isaiah 55:6 “Seek the Lord while He may be found; call upon Him while He is near.” and Acts 2:21 “whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved (delivered or rescued).” There are of course other things that can cause depression, such as medical problems which are physical. It could be a simple thing as hormone imbalances in woman going through menopause (or have had ovaries removed). Also chemical imbalances in the body can be caused through excessive intake of alcohol; most people don’t know this but alcohol is a depressant. People partake of it when they are depressed to make them feel better (and it does momentarily) but then when it wears off it takes you down into a deeper pit of depression. We then try to fix this imbalance with medication such as anti-depressants. But be extremely cautious of anti-depressants, some of them are highly addictive and others once you come off them can make you suicidal. They should only be taken on the short term. I strongly suggest you seek medical advice before continuing such drugs. This of course doesn’t apply to chronic disorders such as manic depression. So therefore seek medical help and advice then seek spiritual advice. It is usually impossible to get out of this pit by yourself. You need the helping hand of a family member, a friend, a pastor or a professional to council you. Sometimes just talking to someone who can offer Godly advice can be all that you need to get you through this. Of course God is always there to deliver those who will call upon His name and He will often use ministering angels to help change the course of depression and “lift” you out of it (Heb. 1:14; Ps. 40:2). Depression is a pitfall or trap the enemy uses because he knows your strength comes from your joy (Neh. 8:10). If he can keep you there long enough all your strength will be drained away and you will be totally helpless like Samson was when his hair was cut (Jud. 16:19). This pit is a bottomless pit with different levels. When you first fall into it you are on one of the higher ledges – the longer you stay in it the further down you will go and will progressively fall to lower levels (this is when suicide becomes a constant thought). Just a side note here suicide is not an option; our lives are not our own and we have no right to end them. First of all the choice to commit suicide is a sin that will send you to a place of outer darkness and terror even if you do not believe hell exists that does not change the fact that it does. Jesus actually spoke more about hell than He did about heaven (Luke 16:19-31). He only promises eternal life to those who overcome and who endure to the end (Rev. 2:10, 11; 3:5, 10-12; Matt. 10:22, 24:13). He also promises to never leave us or forsake us and that He will always be with us through every trial and difficulty (Heb. 13:5; Ps. 91:14-15; Josh. 1:9; Isa. 41:10). It is a pit you cannot get out of yourself – it is only the long arm of the Lord that can reach done and lift you up out of the deep miry clay (Ps. 40:2; 69:14; Isa. 60:1). When you are in depression your natural tendency is to wallow in self pity and to isolate yourself – this is the worst thing to do. Don’t be too proud to tell someone (someone who can stand for you in prayer), as soon as possible, that you are struggling with depression. The enemy’s favourite line he will whisper in your ear is…“God doesn’t love you, nor does anyone else, nothing good will ever happen for you! It’s too late, it’s over, you’ve blown it, and you will never make it! You’re just a failure” It’s important to note that depression is a “fruit”; it is the result of something i.e. of failure, fear, disappointment or the loss of something. It is also one of the fruit’s of sin, where there is anger, strife, bitterness, unforgiveness, anxiety, worry, fear, unbelief and doubt, depression will surely follow! One of the keys to overcoming depression then is to find out what the root is (you cannot kill a weed without pulling up its root) then pull it up by dealing with the cause of the problem. If strife is the cause, make amends with that person, if fear is the cause counter attack with the Word of God (Jer. 29:11; Ps. 139 etc). If it’s a loss allow time for the grief process but then stop holding onto the past (or you will become trapped there), let it go and begin to focus on the bright future God has for you. Then the next step is a huge one and that is to take perspective on reality and to begin to think of and focus on all the good things in your life – be grateful and thankful for the sooo many blessings in your life! Even things like having the use of your limbs, being able to breathe easily, being able to see and hear and being able to live without pain! What about the blessing of family and friends? Once you begin to think about the good things (Phil. 4:8) and keep your mind “set” (Col. 3:2) on them your problems in comparison will soon fade away. Stop allowing the depression to breed and fester by focusing on the problem. I live right opposite a school for the handicapped and often when I become depressed I have to just remind myself that there are so many suffering with hardships and difficulties we can’t possibly imagine (what about those who are trapped in human trafficking?)…there is always someone far worse off than you! Being thankful and grateful is a main key to being set free from depression and self pity. Here is a cute saying… “to keep your tank full (of love, joy and peace) be THANK FULL”. It is also, by the way, the only way you can approach God (Ps. 100:4). Depression is not something we have to bare and put up with. It is a choice! You, yourself can choose to stay in depression or you can choose to take steps to get out of it. You can choose to leave the past and all its mistakes and disappointments behind you and begin to focus on what’s ahead of you… “BEHOLD, I AM DOING A NEW THING!” “New things always seem frightening at first but soon they will become old things! In order to take hold of a new thing, we must let go of the old & allow ourselves time to get acquainted with the new. Remember the good things from your past, but do not get stuck there, do not be afraid to release and walk away from what God is finished with! God is always doing a new thing and He has wonderful new things waiting for you!” Joyce Meyer (Josh. 1:1-9; Isa. 43:19; Jer. 29:11).

Men - The Woman of Your Dreams

You have inspired me to write something very interesting…well I hope you find it interesting, maybe not what you are expecting but these are God’s principals in finding a “wife” and if you follow His path you will have success and be blessed i.e. you will “birth” an Issac (which by the way means laughter)….but on the other hand, if you choose to do it your way, you will most definitely “birth” an “Ishmael” i.e. you will have difficulties and problems and it will be extremely painful. All this talk about “birthing” yes it’s “Birthing Your Dream”. God will but a desire in your heart as a seed, you then go through a whole process of actually bringing that dream or desire to “full term”. Unfortunately most people are in too much of a hurry and are impatient to wait for God to work out this process in your life. If you try to “help” God along and hurry up the process you will fail and have disaster. It’s like the story of the “Prodigal Son” (Luke 15:11-32) the son took his inheritance before he was ready to receive it, his character had not been developed enough for him to be able to handle success, he then squandered and lost everything. The same thing happens to us if our character has not had the chance to develop before we are ready to receive what God has for us (He develops your character through hardships and adversity). And this particularly applies to men as they are the spiritual leaders of the home and family and God will not give you a woman to lead until you are proficient in being led, directed and submissive to your heavenly Father. The main verse on this subject, I believe is Ps 37:4-5 “Delight yourself also in the LORD; and he shall give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way unto the LORD; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass.” The key phrase here is “DELIGHT” yourself in the Lord…you see God will NOT take second place in your life He wants and deserves FIRST place in everything that involves you. Why should He give you a wife (or a business) if you are going to just ignore Him and maybe even idolize and worship your wife instead of Him? Can you see and understand my point here? Once you have put Him in first place and love and delight in Him (Mark 12:30) “And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind, and with all your strength: this is the first commandment.” He then can trust you with other things…the desires He has already put in your heart. You see when you love Him like that you will want to please and obey Him and a woman can feel safe and secure in the knowledge that you will seek His council and lead her correctly and also treat her well. Whew, you see not what you were expecting eh? But there is more wisdom to add to this if you’re willing to listen? I just want to add a quote I wrote:- “I just want to add here that the enemy will do anything to try and distract us from God’s perfect will (Rom 12:2) and purpose for our lives and to move us in another direction, getting us to birth an Ishmael which will only bring huge problems, anxiety and stress into our lives. It may seem right and look and feel right but its way only ends in destruction and death (Prov 14:12). A sure and full proof way of “steal, kill and destroy” (Jn 10:10; 1 Pet 5:8) tactic. All I can say here is this “FOLLOW YOUR HEART” for this is where the Lord speaks, this is where He will lead and guide you – follow His footsteps and the promptings of the Holy Spirit and He will never, ever guide you into the wrong path as He only has a good and perfect plan for your life. One that will bring you great joy, peace and prosperity (Ps 16:6,11).” What I was trying to say here is that there are counterfeits out there which the enemy of your soul is longing for you to take the bait…to be lured away from God’s plan for your life because he knows it will bring great destruction to you and totally lead you in the wrong direction. Some wise words once told to me were “how can you ever find the right relationship if you are in the wrong one?” i.e. if you are in the wrong relationship, the right one can slip away. I know this is a very hard pill to swallow for guys, it’s much harder for you to “wait” but I promise you it will be worth it in the end. The other point I made here is “listen to your heart…the Holy Spirit will direct you". Many times people will mislead us and give us wrong council (Ps 1:1). A story here of a couple I know that had great opposition from even church leaders and were told not to marry…but they listened to the Holy Spirit’s guidance and obeyed Him rather and today 15 years later are still happily married. You see people do not know God’s plan for your life…He will reveal it to you not them. A word of warning here…having said that, God has put safe guards in place in the form of your family, especially your parents who He has given godly wisdom to, to guide you (and also your spiritual authorities). They are able to see things that you might not. You know the saying “love is blind” so relying on their wisdom is paramount. But again the Holy Spirit is your final authority and He is the only One to obey in the end (if you should be put in a very difficult situation where people are totally against your decision…but most of the time your parents will somehow “know”). Another point…write the vision and make it plain (Hab 2:2)write down the qualities you are looking for in your “Dream Girl” you will be amazed at how God will bring all those qualities before you when the time is right…but you have to first be clear and know exactly what you want…this is another “safe guard” as if a woman comes along that distinctly doesn’t have the qualities you’re looking for, even though you like her, I promise you, you are on the wrong track as remember God gives you the desires of your heart. So once again be clear and distinct and know exactly what you are looking for in “your woman”, and don’t be tempted to settle for second best. Another word of warning here, of course NO-ONE is perfect…you will not find a perfect woman, remember we are ALL works in progress…even you! But you must still know and be clear of what qualities you are looking for as God is a very specific God, He needs to know exactly what you want (eich be careful here what you ask for or forget to ask for...story of a woman who said I forgot to ask that he would also like my friends…her husband hates her friends). Ok can I add something personal here? This also relates to the part on the counterfeit….my experience in this journey is that God gives you this vision or dream and in this process of birthing your dream, there seems to come a point when your dream or what you are believing God for, actually dies, right in front of you, it dies. To your absolute horror and dismay and confusion you begin to wonder what on earth is going on….why has this died or come to an end…wasn’t this what You have promised me? All these questions begin to arise and you are in a state of shock! But this quote explains it quite clearly:- “God often births a vision in our lives only to allow it to die first before the purest version of the vision is manifested. This has happened several times in my own journey. Oswald Chambers observes, "God's method always seems to be vision first, and then reality, but in between the vision and the reality there is often a deep valley of humiliation.” Os Hillman You see the way I see it…God’s vision and plan for you is far greater and bigger than we could ever imagine and is often too overwhelming for us to handle at that time so He allows us to see our vision the way we want to see it…the way we can handle it. In parallel to this is His vision…running parallel to yours at the same time and as you are walking through your vision, He is working His vision into being. And at some point your vision has to come to an end so that His can begin. Wow does that make any sense? It will when you have to actually walk through it. But my point I just want to make here is don’t panic and be dismayed when this happens…don’t worry it’s all just apart of the plan, just keep holding on and keep trusting Him, remember Prov. 3:5 “Trust in the Lord with all your heart; and lean not to your own understanding” often our understanding is not reliable as we cannot see what He sees (Isa. 55:8-9). I wonder if any of this makes any sense but hopefully some point I’ve made will jump out at you and maybe give you some insight to this journey that you are on? May God bless you with wisdom, insight and vision and may He bless your hands as instruments of kindness and grace and bless you with a heart full of love, compassion and understanding. But hey most of all may He bless you with a wonderful, gorgeous and godly wife!

Power of Sound

"Power of Sound!" I've just seen a dvd that had left me sitting in awe & bewilderment!!! What an indescribable & unfathomable Creator we have WOW!!!!!!! Will just share what really jumps out! First of all, how incredibly accurate the bible is! What science is only discovering now was recorded 1000's of years ago! Gen 1:1-3 describes creation, vs 2 says how the Spirit hovered over the deep... the Hebrew word for hovered means vibration! The law of Physics says that the whole universe is in a continuous state of vibratory motion & all matter has a vibration at the centre of it... even us & vibration makes a sound that is particular to it & sound has a shape (& colour). All things make a sound, even the earth, stars, planets... and even you!!!!! A fairly recent science called Data Sonicfication where they record sound of earthquakes & volcanoes but the data is too hard to analyse as its a huge series of numbers so they convert those numbers into the form of musical notes! The volcano begins to sing a song of warning before it erupt & earthquakes change their songs! But listen to this.... they have discovered, in the same way, that DNA has a song too (Protein or DNA music) & each person is completely unique & different! Everyone of us has a different life song that God can actually hear & He delights in & longs for the song that comes from YOU!!!!! You not only have a song you ARE a song, a unique song in heaven, no one has the same song as you!!! And just think without you the symphony of heaven will be missing a vital part!!!! Zep 3:17 LB "...He will rejoice over you in great gladness; He will love you and not accuse you. Is that a joyous choir i hear? No, it is the Lord Himself exulting over you in happy song..." Ps 19:1-4, Rom 10:18, Luke 19:40 They say that birds singing actually causes the earth to spring forth, where there are no birds it causes deserts!!!!! Ok these are my thoughts now! What kind of sound are you bringing forth? Is it no wonder God tells us to praise in all things Phil 4:6. What kind of sound does complaining, critical judgements, back biting, gossip, slander, lying & hatred bring forth???? Could it be this discord & disharmony in your symphony that allows sickness to come in? Sounds also have authority for life or death Prov 18:21. Our words have creative power....in the beginning God SAID let there be light....... S.J. N.B. on NASA web site you can download planet and star sounds! We are the first generation ever to hear this!!!

Siamese Twins

"Siamese Twins" Recently i had discovered a set of twins, spirit of abuse & poverty! Well I've just found another two, spirit of pride & stubbornness! Remember Saul's disobedience 1 Sam 13:13, 15:23 "for rebellion (pride) is as the sin of witchcraft, and stubbornness is as idolatry.." Samuel basically told him he & his seed would no longer inherit & he would be cut off permanently which happens in 1 Sam 31, Saul & all his sons are killed! NB your sins affect your generations!!!! Now David's story, he is now also king, he commits adultery & murder & continues happily as if he is completely innocent. The prophet Nathan confronts him, unlike Saul, he truly repents! God forgives & restores him & his seed continues the Messiah's line forever! Saul is cut off forever because of his pride and stubbornness & refusal to repent, basically he had no fear of the Lord... he feared man more than God! But David had a deep respect & fear for God, he would not kill Saul when given the chance. He also in deep sorrow repented before God & humbled himself! In Ps 51 David cries out to God about this sin...Joyce writes "as long as David refused to face the truth, he could not truly repent, & as long as he could not truly repent, he could not receive forgiveness from God. Vs 6 says God desires truth "in the inner being", we must be honest with Him about our sins & ourselves & be quick to repent." Joyce Meyer The dangers of pride is it refuses to allow you to even see or admit your sins never mind to confess or repent of them! 1 Jn 1:8 says "if we say we have no sin... the Truth is not in us." This is an extremely dangerous place to be in, as Joyce said if we do not repent and turn away from our sins God cannot forgive us and if He does not forgive us we cannot see Him ever! He will not allow us into His presence Rev 21:27, 22:3, 15. We have to be willing to humble ourselves as God resists and turns away from the proud James 4:4-10, 1 Pet 5:5-6, Ps 34:18, 32, Prov 3:7, 6:17, 8:13. Now as i said in the beginning pride & stubborness are twins...where you find one you will assuredly find the other & they are strongholds within the mind, in the soul area & can only be overcome by applying the blood of Jesus & the work of the cross & constant resistance to them James 4:7 & by renewing the mind Rom 12:2-3 with the word of God. By constant confession of God's word you will change the course of your life James 3:3-4, Prov 18:21 & will be able to overcome these strongholds!!! But of course the enabling power of the Holy Spirit is also key Jn 8:31-36, 16:13 "He is called "The Spirit of Truth" a major facet of His ministry to you and me is to help us face truth - to bring us to a place of truth, because only the truth will set us free." Joyce Meyer Again the grace & power of the Holy Spirit to overcome is only given to the humble James 4:6, 1 Pet 5:5 Prov 3:34 and humility means yielding to the Holy Spirit and not trying to do it in your own strength! S.J.

I Am Free

Dear friend How are you? Hope things are going well for you? I’m sorry to worry you but something the Lord has shown me that I feel I need to share with you…hope that’s ok??? It’s a letter I am also writing to myself as this has been a huge issue for me too!!! And I’m hoping that as I write this it will bring clarity and healing for me too as it’s something I have to keep reminding myself of!!! What the Lord has shown me is that you are struggling with issues from your past…things that you are ashamed of and that you regret deeply!! It is in a sense holding you back from the new thing that God has for you. Ok I need to back track a little here…just recently I wrote something that I have been very excited about and it’s to do with entering into your new season called “Harvest Is Your Reward” (see my blog www.chooselifesjc.blogspot.com ) here’s a quote from there:- “I’ve just spoken on dealing with the devils on the new level but before you deal with those guys you actually have to first defeat the devils of the PAST before you can even think of going into your new season! In Josh 10:13,28, Joshua ordered the sun and moon to stand still – he spoke to his season to stay still as he wanted to destroy all his enemy before his season ended…he didn’t want to have to fight those same devils in the next season! Some examples, David and Goliath, he slew his four brothers as well! King Saul was told to destroy all the Amalekites but he kept King Agag alive, the queen escapes…they then have to fight a whole new generation later on, Haman!! If you do not deal with issues of the PAST your future generations will be fighting them too (generational curses…sins of the fathers!!). Oh wow what have I started here as this is a huge issue and stumbling block for most of us!!! Issues of my past have kept me back for years and it is impossible to move into a new season until these are dealt with! Unfortunately just being born into the human race means you have suffered great pains of varying degrees from childhood until now…it is not possible to live in a fallen world without experiencing all sorts of debilitating dysfunctions and in that process we put up walls to protect ourselves but in so doing we create a closed and hardened heart but that also keeps God out too and sometimes a door will stay closed because of a closed heart but “the key to all of this is having a pliable and soft heart, one that is willing to change Deut 10:16 “so circumcise the foreskin of your [minds and] hearts; be no longer stubborn and hardened” also Gen 17:11, Ezek 36:26-27, Isah 1:19, 1 Sam 15:23, Josh 5:9. If we resist change and stubbornly continue to cling to the old, comfortable way of doing things we will never experience God’s new and better things!....lay aside stubbornness, rebellion and unwillingness to change but rather be obedient and willing to submit to His Lordship, no matter how crazy or difficult it may seem! Soften your heart and become pliable, teachable and humble! Lay down your own way, your own plans and your own selfish desires Jn 12:24-25, Gal 2:20, Luke 14:33.” (taken from “See I Make All Things New”). “Love is what heals and opens a closed heart. Love is the oil that lubricates the heart and prepares it to receive 1 Jn 4:18. Love is what breaks the chains and breaks down the walls.” (taken from “The Open Door”).” Ok you know how I love to use illustrations…I always illustrate it like this…you have your hand holding onto something behind you but you are trying to reach forward and move in that direction but you can’t move cos you are still holding the thing behind you…you have to let it go so you can move forward! That’s exactly what the PAST does to you…it prevents you from moving forward!!! I know I have broached on a huge subject here and like I’ve said this is something that has affected my own life dramatically too! I’ve made terrible decisions, bad mistakes and done things I deeply regret and only recently in 2010 the Holy Spirit revealed something to me that happened in my childhood that I had no memory of which explains why I’ve reacted this way! Unfortunately with it, it brought a shame based form of thinking with wrong mindsets and strongholds! It’s something I have to work through and allow the Lord to heal me in this area which is not easy as it’s painful…but one thing I can say is the Lord is lovingly kind and gentle and He never pushes us further than we want to go! It is knowing His deep love for you, in spite of your mistakes, that allows healing and restoration to begin! The other aspect of this is knowing and understanding the work that He did for us on the cross…there is no sin that the blood of Jesus cannot cleanse Isah 1:18 “Come now, and let us reason together, says the Lord. Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red like crimson, they shall be like wool”, if we will humbly come to Him in repentance asking for forgiveness 1John 1:9 amp “if we [freely] admit (own up) that we have sinned and confess our sins, He is faithful and just (true to His own nature and promises) and will forgive our sins and [continuously] cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” Ps 32:5 He has done all the work, He has paid the full price for our sins but we have to receive it as a free gift…we cannot work for His forgiveness, we cannot earn it or do anything to make up for it (penance)...all we have to do is willingly receive it!!! This is where most people stumble…because of the huge guilt they carry around they feel they have to do something to earn His forgiveness!!! But the problem here is that we can never be good enough…we can never, on our own, meet His standards of righteousness! Our righteousness is as filthy rags (this word is translated “menstrual towel”) in His sight Isah 64:6. Trying to do it in your own strength is NOT grace but law…grace says “come and drink freely…without price” Isah 55:1, Rom 3:24-28. There is sooo much I could share on the power of the cross, how Jesus has met and paid every single requirement that the righteous, holy and just Father requires to make restitution for our sins!! When we appropriate the blood of Jesus, the Father no longer sees our sins but only sees the blood and that full payment has been made, we are now the righteousness of Christ! But I love this illustrations too…in our own courts of law, the law of double jeopardy states we cannot be tried for the same crime twice!! This also applies here…how can God judge us for a crime that Jesus has already paid for (if we apply it and receive it)? So you see this is the KEY to freedom from guilt…freedom from the past…freedom to live a new and exciting life…freedom to start over from fresh, to begin a new beginning!! I no longer have to dwell in the past…and yes the devil will keep reminding you of it as he is the accuser of the brethren Rev 12:10 , Rom 8:1, Phil 3:13 , Isah 43:18 , 1 Jn 3:20 , Ps 44:15 , but when he does that all you have to do is remind him of his future Rev 20. Now this story is another KEY:- Last week I thought I had finished this letter (its 17/11/12 today) but I was reminded of an incident 5years ago, when I suffered greatly from guilt and condemnation and just knew I had to add this in here (but it’s been difficult for me to write and even this morning I felt that same tinge of guilt trying to sneak up on me..James 4:7 “…resist the devil and he will flee from you.”) Oh boy I hope I don’t go into too much detail, some of you will know the story but others won’t so I will have to give a bit of the background! Five years ago my friend Lesley died!!! It’s an 8 year long story with many issues and because one of my spiritual gifts is the “gift of mercy” I tried to “rescue” her!!! She was an alcoholic and of course suffered many ailments because of it but also a very heavy smoker! Isn’t it ironic it was actually the smoking that would’ve killed her as she developed throat cancer! Even though 4 years prior had been warned to stop smoking because nodules were forming on her larynx! Now it had become cancer and she was told by the specialist that her best option would be to go to the UK for treatment but unfortunately her family was not prepared to help in any way which left me with the burden but I was unable to send her there, so her only other option was to go to Harare for tests and scans and then a 7 week period of radio and chemo therapy! Now if you’re not from Zim you WILL not understand this part of the story….it was at the time when we went through cash shortages and hyper inflation (not at its peak crisis but it was still drastically limited!) and you could only withdraw a certain amount of cash a day! Les had her appointment in Harare for Friday and I had booked her on AirZim for Thursday but was only able to withdraw enough cash for one (everything at that time had to be paid in cash!) I sent her off on her own!!! Now also if you have never known an alcoholic this also will not make any sense to you!!! Alcoholics have NO control and what I did is the same as giving a 15 year old your car keys….it turned out she skipped her appointment on Friday for her first scan (was at the Holiday Inn drinking instead) then to my utmost horror was told by the radiologist that the fee had now been increased (it had doubled from Friday to Monday) and like I said everything had to be paid in cash upfront! So I ran around like a mad thing withdrawing cash from 4 different banks then depositing it into their bank…faxing the deposit slip to them so she could have the scan that same day...Monday! Well she never made it to that appointment either!!! On the Tuesday…the last time I had spoken to her, she had told me she had got in the way of a fight and had a black eye…I yelled and screamed at her in total frustration…knowing what alcoholics are like and not being there to be able to control the situation!!! Anita, her sister from UK, was the last person to speak to her on Tuesday pm and Les had told her she was dying! On the Wednesday morning I phoned the lodge where she was staying to make sure she would wake up in time for this appointment…long story short they went to wake her but found her dead…she had passed away in the night!!! Whew had to have a bit of a break there!!!!!! I of course was in total shock but immediately made arrangements to go to Harare…to get her burial order so her body could be transported back to Byo (what her family wanted) and while in Harare found out all the facts…I stayed in the same lodge, spoke to everyone that came into contact with her, found out she had been going to the Holiday Inn (only 2 blocks away) and they claimed she had not been in a fight…my conclusion (as the family did not want her to have an autopsy) was that she probably was coming home on Monday night from the Holiday Inn and was mugged and beaten…perhaps rupturing a lung, spleen or the like, causing internal bleeding??? After the initial trauma of everything, her family, the funeral etc. I of course went into mourning and grief but also began a spiral into the pit of guilt and condemnation…you know the “if only’s”!!!! By the way this is a common ailment for anyone facing a death…you WILL go through this but its VERY important not to STAY there!!!! Knowing the principals of this whole letter will help you to get out! I totally blamed myself for not being there with her…this was ALL my own fault…she never would’ve died like that if I had been there!!!! The guilt spiraled into a massive pool of condemnation! Then at the time I was going to Pastor Bothwell’s church (2009), he called me in for a meeting…he said to me the Lord has 3 things He wants to speak to you about!!!! Guess what the very first one was…yes guilt and condemnation!! That day, through a time of prayer and ministry, I was delivered from that debilitating MONSTER GUILT that came right from the very corridors of hell itself!!!!!! Whew was supposed to keep this story short but hey this is the crux of the whole story!!!! What I discovered about guilt and condemnation and the principals of getting out of it, is that you “let it drop”, “let it go”. It is something you have full control over…it is a decision you can make…not like an addiction where you need deliverance as you are not in control and can’t “help yourself”. Then it suddenly dawned on me as I was pondering on this, and I thought hey that is the exact same principal for forgiveness…let me read from the amplified what it says about forgiveness Mark 11:25 “and whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him and let it drop (leave it, let it go) (do not keep meditating on it and regurgitating it) in order that your Father Who is in heaven may also forgive you…” Matt 6:14 “for if you forgive people their trespasses[(leaving them, letting them go, and giving up resentment], your heavenly Father will also forgive you.” Then the penny dropped…ok I know I’m slow…the reason it is the exact same principal as forgiveness is because it is forgiveness!!!! The way to release yourself from guilt and condemnation is to forgive YOURSELF!!!!! The hardest person to forgive is yourself…we are often a lot harder and ridiculously strict on ourselves! But this is the KEY to getting out if it!!! Stop blaming yourself (even if it was your fault), stop bringing it up all the time (regurgitating) and going over and over and over it (meditating). When the pangs of guilt come, like what happened to me this morning, resist them and refuse them claiming all the scriptures about being forgiven (see below), keep saying out loud what God says about you! Refuse to allow this in your life ANYMORE…it is NOT from God but from the pit of hell designed to cripple and DESTROY you…YOU have a CHOICE to let it drop and let it GO and forgive yourself!!!! Claim this scripture right now, lay hold of it by faith and believe what God has said HE WILL DO… 1John 1:9 amp “if we [freely] admit (own up) that we have sinned and confess our sins, He is faithful and just (true to His own nature and promises) and will forgive our sins and [continuously] cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” Now freely forgive yourself! One last thing I want to share some things the Lord said to me some years ago…”Shake off the past once and for all, do not partake of it any longer! (a good illustration here is a dog returning to it’s vomit!) Lay a reef there and put it to rest! It is dead and over! Now stand up and shout – shout your victory cry!” “Shake off the past; I do not want you to go there – not for one moment! Jesus has paid the price – don’t insult Him by not accepting that!” (“Honour the Blood” R.T. Kendall). “Undo the knots that tie you to the past – the past is gone, look ahead of you now! Refreshment comes from Me.” “Break free from the past (had a picture of a bunch of men climbing into someone and then that person breaking out free!) I have much planned for you but until you let the past go – I cannot use you!” “Why do you feel that what I have done for you on the cross is not good enough? Don’t allow this to happen, stand up and fight! You have to press on with grit determination. Don’t allow this in your life anymore! It will destroy you and the work I have for you – you must let the past go! I am here to help you.” “If you are “locked” up in the past (could be guilt & condemnation or the death of a loved one) your physical body actually begins to deteriorate & immune systems collapses because you are not growing spiritually. It is impossible to move forward to the next level God has for you if you still have one hand clinging onto the past. Phil 3:13. The past is the biggest enemy to the future! The enemy is afraid of your future & where your are going, so he’ll try to keep you in the past” “Vision, Dreams & Goals: Hab 2:2. Without these you will wonder through life aimlessly. Set goals that will stretch you but that are not impossible. Focus on your strengths. Use imagination & expectation, think, imagine, speak & act your dream. Make a firm decision & commitment to leave the past behind & not go back (like a dog returning to his vomit), as looking back will abort your dreams and visions, lay a reef there & put it to rest! It is dead & over!” S.J. Some other verses that are good to meditate on… Isah 43:25 amp “I, even I, am He Who blots out and cancels your transgressions, for My own sake, and I will not remember your sins.” Isah 44:22 amp “I have blotted out like a thick cloud your transgressions, and like a cloud your sins. Return to Me, for I have redeemed you.” Ps 86:5 amp “For You, O Lord, are good, and ready to forgive [our trespasses, sending them away, letting them go completely and forever]; and You are abundant in mercy and loving-kindness to all those who call upon You.” Ps 103:12 amp “As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us.” By the way this is infinite as east and west can never meet!!! Micah 7:19 amp “He will again have compassion on us; He will subdue and tread underfoot our iniquities. You will cast all our sins into the depths of the sea.” And puts a sign there NO FISHING! “How deep are the oceans that it is virtually impossible to recover wrecks…and because of the enormous pressure they are buried forever, beyond our reach, never to come to the surface again!!! And if that is God’s intention, why not leave them where He has put them and find rest for your souls?” (taken from “Your Bible And You”) And if He has forgotten them, what right do we have to bring them up again????

When I am free from my past, guilt and condemnation are no longer my companions…I am free to live the life He has given me no longer bound but set free!!! And all because of what He did for me on the cross!!! He has taken my burden, He has taken my shame…its no longer mine…I am Free!!! S.J.

Harvest Is Your Reward

27 Sept 2012 This morning I was reminded about something I heard on TBN during a “Praise A Thon” which has incited great excitement and definitely needs to be added in here!!! Restoration…Harvest is the Reward of the last Season: Joel 2:25 The locusts are there to eat and destroy your harvest, to keep you out of your next season and to keep you in a cycle of plowing, sowing and watering without reaping or getting your harvest (i.e. “going around the mountain again!!! or aborting your dream!!!). You see God can only “rebuke the devourer (seed eater)” Mal 3:11 on your behalf, when you walk in obedience…sin and willful disobedience (read “10 Curses that Block the Blessing” Larry Huch) will assuredly bring on the locusts in their swarms!!!! And you will not enter into your “Canaan” or your next season!!!

You see your harvest is actually a payment and reward for the years and tears of the season you have been in! It comes in between the two seasons, the one you are about to end and the new one you’re about to enter!!! And it is used to thrust you into the next season (much like a rocket needs that explosion of energy to move it into orbit). Gideon and the Israelites in Judges 6, suffered at the hands of the Medianites, who kept them improvised by stealing their harvest…just as they were about to reap it. They kept stealing their reward (and future seed) so that they had to go back to the beginning and so they never got out of this cycle! I would like to use another illustration here…just like when you’re at school, you spend the whole year studying and learning, then at the end of the year you are tested on what you’ve learned…if you give up at this point and fail the test, you have to repeat that year (go back to the beginning…go around the mountain again!!) and re-sit the test again…you do NOT go onto the next level until you pass the test!!). Wow I have just seen something else here…when your season is about to end, you first have to pass a test (remember that during a test the teacher is silent…your faith is really tested here, because you cannot hear the Teacher…you are in a hallway of transition [the birth canal], you cannot see, hear or understand, a time of great confusion…you have to mainly rely on your foundations [see Rev Ndeda’s “Solid Foundations]). This is exactly what happened to Jesus…when His season of learning obedience was coming to an end and He was about to go into ministry, He first had to be tested in the wilderness for 40 days (see Pastor Rod Parley “Living Under An Open Heaven”). Ok I just want to give you and myself some encouragement right here…if you’re in a “test” right now whatever you do don’t give up as you’re almost there, hold on and pass the test…don’t give up as your reward or harvest is just around the corner and then onto your “new season” oooh wee!!!! I just have to give another illustration here which fits perfectly…a professional swimmer wanted to break the record for crossing the English Channel…so off he went and for hour after hour kept battling exhaustion but he kept preserving!!! More drooling hours passed but then a very heavy fog set in and he and his team on the little boat could not see further than their noses, then in sheer frustration and exhaustion he decided no I just can’t do this and decided to give up and he climbed into the little boat…but to their utter horror and shock they soon discovered they were only 50m away from the shoreline…only 50m more and he would’ve broken the record, but because he had given up, because the fog had blocked his view (just like when we are in a test, we cannot see or understand what’s going on!) he now has to start again from the beginning!!!! Now the further you go into a season the harder it gets – the greater the adversity…you are getting closer to the end and to your harvest…you are on the verge of your payoff. This is where the enemy will attack the hardest, remember he wants to keep you “going around the mountain” and he most definitely does not want you to get your reward!!! I asked myself why is that?? Well it means you will have more seed to sow…remember without seed there cannot be another harvest…the way to keep you improvised is to keep eating your seed!!! There is also another reason, I’m sure you’ve heard “new level…new devil”? You are about to enter your new season but the “new devils” on that level will challenge you first and test your authority and identity “if You are the Son of God….” before you reach that level (see Lance Wallnau “Building High Performance…”). Something I have noticed in this “test” period, my identity has been under severe attack but the locusts don’t come to empty fields…don’t doubt your self worth! Don’t keep putting yourself down or allowing others to! You see without knowing who you are in Christ and your extreme value and importance in the kingdom of God, how can you exercise your authority?? When you doubt yourself, you doubt your authority and you doubt your words…you don’t believe your words carry any weight or power!!! (see Keith Moore “The Significance of Saying”). And in essence you are totally ineffective as you have no faith in your authority over the Word of God!!! But there is another reason, Joshua was fighting for new territory…when you are about to go into a new season you are entering into a new territory…there will be giants to face!!! Remember it’s all about taking dominion, possessing the land, taking territory!! The devil WILL NOT give up territory without a fight!!! Oh wow this is so exciting as the Lord is revealing things to me as I write this…I’ve just spoken on dealing with the devils on the new level but before you deal with those guys you actually have to first defeat the devils of the PAST before you can even think of going into your new season! In Josh 10:13,28, Joshua ordered the sun and moon to stand still – he spoke to his season to stay still as he wanted to destroy all his enemy before his season ended…he didn’t want to have to fight those same devils in the next season! Some examples, David and Goliath, he slew his four brothers as well! King Saul was told to destroy all the Amalekites but he kept King Agag alive, the queen escapes…they then have to fight a whole new generation later on!! If you do not deal with issues of the PAST your future generations will be fighting them too (generational curses…sins of the fathers!!). Oh wow what have I started here as this is a huge issue and stumbling block for most of us!!! Issues of my past have kept me back for years and it is impossible to move into a new season until these are dealt with! Unfortunately just being born into the human race means you have suffered great pains of varying degrees from childhood until now…it is not possible to live in a fallen world without experiencing all sorts of debilitating dysfunctions and in that process we put up walls to protect ourselves but in so doing we create a closed and hardened heart but that also keeps God out too and sometimes a door will stay closed because of a closed heart but “the key to all of this is having a pliable and soft heart, one that is willing to change Deut 10:16 “so circumcise the foreskin of your [minds and] hearts; be no longer stubborn and hardened” also Ezek 36:26-27, Isah 1:19, 1 Sam 15:23, Josh 5:9. If we resist change and stubbornly continue to cling to the old, comfortable way of doing things we will never experience God’s new and better things!....lay aside stubbornness, rebellion and unwillingness to change but rather be obedient and willing to submit to His Lordship, no matter how crazy or difficult it may seem! Soften your heart and become pliable, teachable and humble! Lay down your own way, your own plans and your own selfish desires Jn 12:24-25, Gal 2:20, Luke 14:33.” (taken from “See I Make All Things New”). “Love is what heals and opens a closed heart. Love is the oil that lubricates the heart and prepares it to receive 1 Jn 4:18. Love is what breaks the chains and breaks down the walls.” (taken from “The Open Door”). Ok just to wrap this up I want to end off with…maybe you think well you know I’ve blown it…I’ve lost my harvest, my opportunity has passed, it’s too late…OH NO IT IS NOT! Maybe your harvest was stolen but it is not lost but just delayed and the devil has to pay you back double Ex 22:7. Remember God is the God of the second chance…it’s never over until He says it’s over!!! He will always give you another opportunity to try again – so get it right this time around…keep pressing on…don’t quit just before your breakthrough…your harvest and payoff is….. JUST AROUND THE CORNER!!!!!!!

Just In Time

By a bizarre topic of conversation (onions), Bruce very briefly told me your story! I was deeply moved and have felt compelled to give you a word of encouragement and just share with you what’s on my heart and what I believe God would have me to tell you! I cannot for one moment begin to surmise or imagine the hardships you have had to go through and in no way would I want to try and analyze or minimize your experience but really just want to encourage and lift you up, because very often when we go through that valley or wilderness experience it is easy to think that God has forgotten us and does not love us anymore!! Friends desert us and forget us and we feel isolated and all alone!! Yes I too have gone through some difficult times (they pail in comparison) when I was the subject of some vicious slander attacks that left me bewildered, battered and bruised, most friends deserted me even family treated me different! I then went through an extreme financial crisis as I couldn’t get a job for over two years and lived on bare minimum. If it was not for the help of my beloved sister from time to time, I don’t know if I would’ve made it through that tough time? And then….thank God for Bruce, I have been with him for nearly 8 months now! Can I share this story….when I went for the interview with him – I took my C.V. thinking it’s hopeless but he didn’t even ask me any questions about previous jobs and just said “do you want a permanent job?” – I said yes…he said “well come back tomorrow!” I was amazed!! Then I walked on eggshells for a couple of months wondering when he was going to fire me as surely by now he must’ve heard some stories?? Shame I’ve given the poor man a hard time since then and I’m sure he doesn’t quite know how to take me?? Anyway I don’t want to dwell on my story but mainly on what God has done in my life as a result of all that – that is what is truly amazing!!! I used to be a shy and timid person but after going through this slander it has totally freed me from that and I have become bold and courageous – not caring anymore what people think of me (as they already think the worst) it is a truly liberating experience one that I am now grateful for, not that I would ask to go through something like that again – whew no thanks but the bible says in Rom 8:28 (my paraphrase) that God is able to turn any situation around, that the enemy has intended to destroy you with, and use it for your good in the end!! He never wastes any experience we go through! He is an incredibly awesome God of the second chance – wow He can make something beautiful out of something terrible!! Does that make sense? I love the story of Joseph, after all that he went through says to his brothers who sold him into slavery….”what you intended for evil God intended for good” Gen 45:5. There are many things in this life that make absolutely no sense and we will never know the answers to some things, this side of eternity, but can I quote something from Rev Elias Ndeda (I met him at a church conference a couple of years ago and got his CD “Shake it Off”) this is what he says-: “I challenge you to get positioned for the journey of life. There will always be a refining crisis that will bring us to a defining moment which will eventually empower us to step into greatness. You’ve got to make up your mind to stand out and to be counted. There are things that life will throw at you that you will need to break through then break out of, only then will you not break down. You don’t have to specialize your condition but to commonize it. For there has no temptation come to you but such as is common to all men. Whatever you are going through somebody, somewhere around the world is going through the same thing or has gone through the same thing. It is a destiny thing. The seed you carry has attracted what you are going through. Don’t throw in the towel in the battle of greatness, don’t give up now! You have come from too far to give up at this point! Put on the whole armour of God and go to war. Have your helmet of salvation, your breastplate of righteousness, your loins girded with the belt of truth, your feet shod with the gospel of peace, hold the shield of faith and the sword of the Spirit because it is not over until it is over, there is a lesson in this and you have got to fight on because God is on your side”. “Even though you do not understand, even though nothing seems to make sense, even though everything falls apart trust in God He will make everything known. You know there are some things that you will never understand in life because destiny is a mystery and everything that happens under the sun God processes us into greater destinies. Your greatness is in the making so if you can just hold on there and learn to trust in God. Break every yoke and destroy every barrier do not allow this to stop you; you can break completely out of this. You are a hero and a hero in the making. One thing you need to know is that you will come out of this. If the devil can stop you where you are right now the devil would have won because gain comes out of pain…there is no testimony without a testing. Heroes are never born, heroes are made… you need to know that there is no glory without a story and if you are a hero you are going to have some bruises and you are going to have some scars. Even though you don’t catch what is really happening, and even though it blows your mind…even though everything is in pieces you need to just trust in God and He will make everything known to you. It doesn’t matter the kind of abuse you have gone through you just need to raise your head above the water because your tomorrow is greater than your yesterday. The devil does not chase empty vessels. Yesterday was your teacher, today is your opportunity and tomorrow shall be your testimony.” Rev E. Ndeda Like I said God is the God of the second chance and is able to make all things new and to restore all that which has been lost. Joel 2:25 says “And I will restore or replace for you the years that the locust has eaten…” as long as we leave the vengeance up to Him and not take it into our own hands (then we are on our own so to speak and He will not help us!) Then He can give us “double for our trouble” J.M. “instead of your [former] shame you shall have a twofold recompense…” Isah 61:7, 54:4, Zech 9:12. So when you keep your heart right before God He will actually repay you back double what you have lost – this is exactly what happened to Job! “And the Lord turned the captivity of Job and restored his fortunes, when he prayed for his friends; also the Lord gave Job twice as much as he had before” Job 42:10 this is what Joyce Meyer comments from this verse…”Have you ever been wrongly accused and thus deeply wounded by others? Like Job, pray for those who have hurt you, and forgive them. When we forgive, God brings restoration….No matter what you are going through, God still has the same good plan for you right now that He had the moment you were born. He has never changed His mind. From the instant the enemy attacked you, God has had your restoration in mind.” J.M. I had many opportunities to retaliate against those who slandered me but somehow had the sense to keep my mouth shut and to try and speak only good of them (wasn’t easy!). If I had retaliated I would’ve been just as guilty as them in God’s eyes! When we leave vengeance up to Him He then is able to set a table before our enemies and forces them to watch while we eat and while He lavishly blesses us!! Ps 23:5. Oooh wee that’s vengeance in itself and is sweet, in fact it even makes you feel sorry for them!!! Oh shame…I sure have been going on hey but just want to leave you with one last thing that keeps popping up in my mind – so I know it’s important!! Heb 13:5 amplified version says “I will not in any way fail you nor give you up nor leave you without support. [I will] not, [I will] not, [I will] not in any degree leave you helpless nor forsake nor let [you] down (relax My hold on you)! [Assuredly not!]” And God has NOT forgotten you, (Isah 44:21, 49:15) He loves you more than you could possibly imagine!!! Yes life has dealt you an extremely hard hand but there is comfort in knowing that nothing we can go through can compare to what Jesus went through on the cross, willingly for us because He loves us!!! He took all our pain on Himself, He bore all our sorrows Isah 53. He was beaten beyond recognition, then whipped with leaded and spiked thongs – the 39 lashes (it is said that some men didn’t survive this lashing!!) and then nailed to a wooden cross naked, all bones pulled out of joint! He punished Himself and took our place!! Who can fathom so great a mystery??? Oh sorry Phil I thought I said I was ending but one last thing – I am an evangelist at heart and have to ask you one very important question – have you ever received or asked Jesus to come into your heart, to forgive you and cleanse you? For the bible says “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God” and “for the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord” Rom 3:23, 6:23 (not one of us are worthy enough to stand before Him) also “for whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved” Acts 2:21 and “whom the Son sets free is free indeed John 8:36. You may be in a prison right now (others are legally free but in another kind of prison) but you can be free in your heart no matter where you are! I would encourage you to invite Him into your heart right now, right where you are – God is no respecter of persons – what He has done for me, He can do for you!!! I truly hope and pray you will receive what I have said (I know I have crammed in an awful lot!!!) and please know that you will be in my prayers…that God will bless and keep you, strengthen and restore you and may His light fill your heart and comfort you!!! God Bless Jane