I Am Free

Dear friend How are you? Hope things are going well for you? I’m sorry to worry you but something the Lord has shown me that I feel I need to share with you…hope that’s ok??? It’s a letter I am also writing to myself as this has been a huge issue for me too!!! And I’m hoping that as I write this it will bring clarity and healing for me too as it’s something I have to keep reminding myself of!!! What the Lord has shown me is that you are struggling with issues from your past…things that you are ashamed of and that you regret deeply!! It is in a sense holding you back from the new thing that God has for you. Ok I need to back track a little here…just recently I wrote something that I have been very excited about and it’s to do with entering into your new season called “Harvest Is Your Reward” (see my blog www.chooselifesjc.blogspot.com ) here’s a quote from there:- “I’ve just spoken on dealing with the devils on the new level but before you deal with those guys you actually have to first defeat the devils of the PAST before you can even think of going into your new season! In Josh 10:13,28, Joshua ordered the sun and moon to stand still – he spoke to his season to stay still as he wanted to destroy all his enemy before his season ended…he didn’t want to have to fight those same devils in the next season! Some examples, David and Goliath, he slew his four brothers as well! King Saul was told to destroy all the Amalekites but he kept King Agag alive, the queen escapes…they then have to fight a whole new generation later on, Haman!! If you do not deal with issues of the PAST your future generations will be fighting them too (generational curses…sins of the fathers!!). Oh wow what have I started here as this is a huge issue and stumbling block for most of us!!! Issues of my past have kept me back for years and it is impossible to move into a new season until these are dealt with! Unfortunately just being born into the human race means you have suffered great pains of varying degrees from childhood until now…it is not possible to live in a fallen world without experiencing all sorts of debilitating dysfunctions and in that process we put up walls to protect ourselves but in so doing we create a closed and hardened heart but that also keeps God out too and sometimes a door will stay closed because of a closed heart but “the key to all of this is having a pliable and soft heart, one that is willing to change Deut 10:16 “so circumcise the foreskin of your [minds and] hearts; be no longer stubborn and hardened” also Gen 17:11, Ezek 36:26-27, Isah 1:19, 1 Sam 15:23, Josh 5:9. If we resist change and stubbornly continue to cling to the old, comfortable way of doing things we will never experience God’s new and better things!....lay aside stubbornness, rebellion and unwillingness to change but rather be obedient and willing to submit to His Lordship, no matter how crazy or difficult it may seem! Soften your heart and become pliable, teachable and humble! Lay down your own way, your own plans and your own selfish desires Jn 12:24-25, Gal 2:20, Luke 14:33.” (taken from “See I Make All Things New”). “Love is what heals and opens a closed heart. Love is the oil that lubricates the heart and prepares it to receive 1 Jn 4:18. Love is what breaks the chains and breaks down the walls.” (taken from “The Open Door”).” Ok you know how I love to use illustrations…I always illustrate it like this…you have your hand holding onto something behind you but you are trying to reach forward and move in that direction but you can’t move cos you are still holding the thing behind you…you have to let it go so you can move forward! That’s exactly what the PAST does to you…it prevents you from moving forward!!! I know I have broached on a huge subject here and like I’ve said this is something that has affected my own life dramatically too! I’ve made terrible decisions, bad mistakes and done things I deeply regret and only recently in 2010 the Holy Spirit revealed something to me that happened in my childhood that I had no memory of which explains why I’ve reacted this way! Unfortunately with it, it brought a shame based form of thinking with wrong mindsets and strongholds! It’s something I have to work through and allow the Lord to heal me in this area which is not easy as it’s painful…but one thing I can say is the Lord is lovingly kind and gentle and He never pushes us further than we want to go! It is knowing His deep love for you, in spite of your mistakes, that allows healing and restoration to begin! The other aspect of this is knowing and understanding the work that He did for us on the cross…there is no sin that the blood of Jesus cannot cleanse Isah 1:18 “Come now, and let us reason together, says the Lord. Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red like crimson, they shall be like wool”, if we will humbly come to Him in repentance asking for forgiveness 1John 1:9 amp “if we [freely] admit (own up) that we have sinned and confess our sins, He is faithful and just (true to His own nature and promises) and will forgive our sins and [continuously] cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” Ps 32:5 He has done all the work, He has paid the full price for our sins but we have to receive it as a free gift…we cannot work for His forgiveness, we cannot earn it or do anything to make up for it (penance)...all we have to do is willingly receive it!!! This is where most people stumble…because of the huge guilt they carry around they feel they have to do something to earn His forgiveness!!! But the problem here is that we can never be good enough…we can never, on our own, meet His standards of righteousness! Our righteousness is as filthy rags (this word is translated “menstrual towel”) in His sight Isah 64:6. Trying to do it in your own strength is NOT grace but law…grace says “come and drink freely…without price” Isah 55:1, Rom 3:24-28. There is sooo much I could share on the power of the cross, how Jesus has met and paid every single requirement that the righteous, holy and just Father requires to make restitution for our sins!! When we appropriate the blood of Jesus, the Father no longer sees our sins but only sees the blood and that full payment has been made, we are now the righteousness of Christ! But I love this illustrations too…in our own courts of law, the law of double jeopardy states we cannot be tried for the same crime twice!! This also applies here…how can God judge us for a crime that Jesus has already paid for (if we apply it and receive it)? So you see this is the KEY to freedom from guilt…freedom from the past…freedom to live a new and exciting life…freedom to start over from fresh, to begin a new beginning!! I no longer have to dwell in the past…and yes the devil will keep reminding you of it as he is the accuser of the brethren Rev 12:10 , Rom 8:1, Phil 3:13 , Isah 43:18 , 1 Jn 3:20 , Ps 44:15 , but when he does that all you have to do is remind him of his future Rev 20. Now this story is another KEY:- Last week I thought I had finished this letter (its 17/11/12 today) but I was reminded of an incident 5years ago, when I suffered greatly from guilt and condemnation and just knew I had to add this in here (but it’s been difficult for me to write and even this morning I felt that same tinge of guilt trying to sneak up on me..James 4:7 “…resist the devil and he will flee from you.”) Oh boy I hope I don’t go into too much detail, some of you will know the story but others won’t so I will have to give a bit of the background! Five years ago my friend Lesley died!!! It’s an 8 year long story with many issues and because one of my spiritual gifts is the “gift of mercy” I tried to “rescue” her!!! She was an alcoholic and of course suffered many ailments because of it but also a very heavy smoker! Isn’t it ironic it was actually the smoking that would’ve killed her as she developed throat cancer! Even though 4 years prior had been warned to stop smoking because nodules were forming on her larynx! Now it had become cancer and she was told by the specialist that her best option would be to go to the UK for treatment but unfortunately her family was not prepared to help in any way which left me with the burden but I was unable to send her there, so her only other option was to go to Harare for tests and scans and then a 7 week period of radio and chemo therapy! Now if you’re not from Zim you WILL not understand this part of the story….it was at the time when we went through cash shortages and hyper inflation (not at its peak crisis but it was still drastically limited!) and you could only withdraw a certain amount of cash a day! Les had her appointment in Harare for Friday and I had booked her on AirZim for Thursday but was only able to withdraw enough cash for one (everything at that time had to be paid in cash!) I sent her off on her own!!! Now also if you have never known an alcoholic this also will not make any sense to you!!! Alcoholics have NO control and what I did is the same as giving a 15 year old your car keys….it turned out she skipped her appointment on Friday for her first scan (was at the Holiday Inn drinking instead) then to my utmost horror was told by the radiologist that the fee had now been increased (it had doubled from Friday to Monday) and like I said everything had to be paid in cash upfront! So I ran around like a mad thing withdrawing cash from 4 different banks then depositing it into their bank…faxing the deposit slip to them so she could have the scan that same day...Monday! Well she never made it to that appointment either!!! On the Tuesday…the last time I had spoken to her, she had told me she had got in the way of a fight and had a black eye…I yelled and screamed at her in total frustration…knowing what alcoholics are like and not being there to be able to control the situation!!! Anita, her sister from UK, was the last person to speak to her on Tuesday pm and Les had told her she was dying! On the Wednesday morning I phoned the lodge where she was staying to make sure she would wake up in time for this appointment…long story short they went to wake her but found her dead…she had passed away in the night!!! Whew had to have a bit of a break there!!!!!! I of course was in total shock but immediately made arrangements to go to Harare…to get her burial order so her body could be transported back to Byo (what her family wanted) and while in Harare found out all the facts…I stayed in the same lodge, spoke to everyone that came into contact with her, found out she had been going to the Holiday Inn (only 2 blocks away) and they claimed she had not been in a fight…my conclusion (as the family did not want her to have an autopsy) was that she probably was coming home on Monday night from the Holiday Inn and was mugged and beaten…perhaps rupturing a lung, spleen or the like, causing internal bleeding??? After the initial trauma of everything, her family, the funeral etc. I of course went into mourning and grief but also began a spiral into the pit of guilt and condemnation…you know the “if only’s”!!!! By the way this is a common ailment for anyone facing a death…you WILL go through this but its VERY important not to STAY there!!!! Knowing the principals of this whole letter will help you to get out! I totally blamed myself for not being there with her…this was ALL my own fault…she never would’ve died like that if I had been there!!!! The guilt spiraled into a massive pool of condemnation! Then at the time I was going to Pastor Bothwell’s church (2009), he called me in for a meeting…he said to me the Lord has 3 things He wants to speak to you about!!!! Guess what the very first one was…yes guilt and condemnation!! That day, through a time of prayer and ministry, I was delivered from that debilitating MONSTER GUILT that came right from the very corridors of hell itself!!!!!! Whew was supposed to keep this story short but hey this is the crux of the whole story!!!! What I discovered about guilt and condemnation and the principals of getting out of it, is that you “let it drop”, “let it go”. It is something you have full control over…it is a decision you can make…not like an addiction where you need deliverance as you are not in control and can’t “help yourself”. Then it suddenly dawned on me as I was pondering on this, and I thought hey that is the exact same principal for forgiveness…let me read from the amplified what it says about forgiveness Mark 11:25 “and whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him and let it drop (leave it, let it go) (do not keep meditating on it and regurgitating it) in order that your Father Who is in heaven may also forgive you…” Matt 6:14 “for if you forgive people their trespasses[(leaving them, letting them go, and giving up resentment], your heavenly Father will also forgive you.” Then the penny dropped…ok I know I’m slow…the reason it is the exact same principal as forgiveness is because it is forgiveness!!!! The way to release yourself from guilt and condemnation is to forgive YOURSELF!!!!! The hardest person to forgive is yourself…we are often a lot harder and ridiculously strict on ourselves! But this is the KEY to getting out if it!!! Stop blaming yourself (even if it was your fault), stop bringing it up all the time (regurgitating) and going over and over and over it (meditating). When the pangs of guilt come, like what happened to me this morning, resist them and refuse them claiming all the scriptures about being forgiven (see below), keep saying out loud what God says about you! Refuse to allow this in your life ANYMORE…it is NOT from God but from the pit of hell designed to cripple and DESTROY you…YOU have a CHOICE to let it drop and let it GO and forgive yourself!!!! Claim this scripture right now, lay hold of it by faith and believe what God has said HE WILL DO… 1John 1:9 amp “if we [freely] admit (own up) that we have sinned and confess our sins, He is faithful and just (true to His own nature and promises) and will forgive our sins and [continuously] cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” Now freely forgive yourself! One last thing I want to share some things the Lord said to me some years ago…”Shake off the past once and for all, do not partake of it any longer! (a good illustration here is a dog returning to it’s vomit!) Lay a reef there and put it to rest! It is dead and over! Now stand up and shout – shout your victory cry!” “Shake off the past; I do not want you to go there – not for one moment! Jesus has paid the price – don’t insult Him by not accepting that!” (“Honour the Blood” R.T. Kendall). “Undo the knots that tie you to the past – the past is gone, look ahead of you now! Refreshment comes from Me.” “Break free from the past (had a picture of a bunch of men climbing into someone and then that person breaking out free!) I have much planned for you but until you let the past go – I cannot use you!” “Why do you feel that what I have done for you on the cross is not good enough? Don’t allow this to happen, stand up and fight! You have to press on with grit determination. Don’t allow this in your life anymore! It will destroy you and the work I have for you – you must let the past go! I am here to help you.” “If you are “locked” up in the past (could be guilt & condemnation or the death of a loved one) your physical body actually begins to deteriorate & immune systems collapses because you are not growing spiritually. It is impossible to move forward to the next level God has for you if you still have one hand clinging onto the past. Phil 3:13. The past is the biggest enemy to the future! The enemy is afraid of your future & where your are going, so he’ll try to keep you in the past” “Vision, Dreams & Goals: Hab 2:2. Without these you will wonder through life aimlessly. Set goals that will stretch you but that are not impossible. Focus on your strengths. Use imagination & expectation, think, imagine, speak & act your dream. Make a firm decision & commitment to leave the past behind & not go back (like a dog returning to his vomit), as looking back will abort your dreams and visions, lay a reef there & put it to rest! It is dead & over!” S.J. Some other verses that are good to meditate on… Isah 43:25 amp “I, even I, am He Who blots out and cancels your transgressions, for My own sake, and I will not remember your sins.” Isah 44:22 amp “I have blotted out like a thick cloud your transgressions, and like a cloud your sins. Return to Me, for I have redeemed you.” Ps 86:5 amp “For You, O Lord, are good, and ready to forgive [our trespasses, sending them away, letting them go completely and forever]; and You are abundant in mercy and loving-kindness to all those who call upon You.” Ps 103:12 amp “As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us.” By the way this is infinite as east and west can never meet!!! Micah 7:19 amp “He will again have compassion on us; He will subdue and tread underfoot our iniquities. You will cast all our sins into the depths of the sea.” And puts a sign there NO FISHING! “How deep are the oceans that it is virtually impossible to recover wrecks…and because of the enormous pressure they are buried forever, beyond our reach, never to come to the surface again!!! And if that is God’s intention, why not leave them where He has put them and find rest for your souls?” (taken from “Your Bible And You”) And if He has forgotten them, what right do we have to bring them up again????

When I am free from my past, guilt and condemnation are no longer my companions…I am free to live the life He has given me no longer bound but set free!!! And all because of what He did for me on the cross!!! He has taken my burden, He has taken my shame…its no longer mine…I am Free!!! S.J.